Well we knew it was only a matter of time. Michael Phelps, 8-time gold medal winner at the Beijing Olympics and beloved US swimmer, has decided that it is better to leave the sport of swimming while still on top. He announced it today at a informal press gathering at the NBAC Aquatic facility in Maryland.

“I am sad to leave the world of swimming which has given so much back to me, but at the same time I have realized that after sacrificing so many years of my life to the sport, I really missed out on some awesome shit.”

Phelps went on to describe how many parties and how many opportunities to get laid he missed out on because he had to get up at 5am and swim.

“Like there was this one time…I mean I don’t know it could have been at least 7 women, they all wanted to go to bed with me at the same time but I said ‘Sorry ladies…can’t do it…gotta swim 12k at morning workout tomorrow’”.

The swim world will have to begin to look for its next superstar and hopefully can find one to fill the void left by Phelps. Rumor has it that scientists from Cal-Tech have extracted sperm from Phelps and already started training it in a miniature pool in order to prepare it for the 2032 Olympics which are being held in Newark, NJ.